Not tired, not stressed, not overwhelmed.
Like the kind of tired where I can't possibly function because the urge to sleep is so overwhelming.
Or the tired that I get when out boogie boarding in the ocean when the waves are really strong.
Or the tired like I was just at a funeral tired.
I forgot how exhausting this illness was.
I forgot that it consumes me. Defines me. Destroys me.
But what's more exhausting is the constant battle.
I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up.
Not that it matters because it seems like I'm failing anyway--I cancelled on my therapist, am restricting, am increasing exercise, etc. But mostly, I'm not fighting the thoughts. I'm not denying them.
Because right now, they seem more true than ever.
I am so exhausted.