“Why am I so anxious? And then it hits me. I'm not anxious, I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be so lonely because it seems catastrophic - seeing the car just as it hits you.”
Today, my new roommate moved in. It's a big change. I had just gotten used to spending the days by myself without Megan or anyone else in my room. I had gotten used to being lonely.
I was used to the late nights and late mornings.
To an empty bed and an empty desk.
To being able to walk around my room naked.
With a stranger.
This is scary.
Honestly, what if she doesn't like me?
What if I'm not a good roommate?
What if I don't like her?
What if she's not a good roommate?
What if we fight?
I don't even know her and I agreed to let her move in with me.
But I agreed. I based my decision on my gut. On how I felt after that first meeting. And my gut is usually right. This is just a change.
A change of lifestyle.
A change of living.
A change of pace.
Change is good.
It makes us strong.
Breathe. Pray. Trust.
God knows what He's doing.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”