I hate staff training. It's so uncomfortable. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and I don't belong in this big group.
But then I remember that I am, in fact, an introvert. And therefore, being around this many people at one time is very overwhelming for me.
Then I also remember that I am someone who tends to define herself by the approval of others. If people like me, I'm valuable and good enough. If they don't, then why do I exist?
But think about this. I am at a camp. A camp for a church that affirms everyone because they are created in the image of God and are God's beloved children.
So who am I trying to impress?
What is it about us as humans that we always feel that it is necessary to be accepted? Yes, it is human nature to want to be with people and be loved and given attention, but I am loved unconditionally by my Heavenly Father and therefore, the approval of others is completely irrelevant.
But I'm never going to stop feeling like I need to be accepted or included to be seen as good enough. It's in my nature. I just need to continually remind myself that I am a beloved daughter of the Most High and nothing can change that.
Not my appearance.
Not my grades.
Not the approval of others.
Resting in that is difficult, especially when I don't feel that it's true. But truth isn't always the same as what I feel is true.
So yes, this week was rough, but it's over. I don't need approval to be good enough. And next week, I'll have campers and be surrounded by fewer adults and feel less pressure to fit in and be accepted because they already accept me and because it is there that I feel accepted and loved without trying to be either.
And eventually, I will be surrounded with only people who build me up, accept me, and love me.
It will be okay.