Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2013. Show all posts

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Roommate.

“Why am I so anxious? And then it hits me. I'm not anxious, I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be so lonely because it seems catastrophic - seeing the car just as it hits you.” 
(Augusten Burroughs)

Today, my new roommate moved in.  It's a big change.  I had just gotten used to spending the days by myself without Megan or anyone else in my room.  I had gotten used to being lonely.  

I was used to the late nights and late mornings. 
To an empty bed and an empty desk. 
To being able to walk around my room naked.

And now I have to share it again. 
With a stranger. 
This is scary.  

Honestly, what if she doesn't like me? 
What if I'm not a good roommate? 
What if I don't like her? 
What if she's not a good roommate? 
What if we fight? 

I don't even know her and I agreed to let her move in with me.

But I agreed.  I based my decision on my gut.  On how I felt after that first meeting.  And my gut is usually right.  This is just a change. 
A change of lifestyle. 
A change of living. 
A change of pace. 

Change is good. 
It makes us strong.

Breathe.  Pray.  Trust. 
God knows what He's doing. 

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 
(Lao Tzu)


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

What Am I Doing With My Life?

So.

Every so often, I just randomly have these panic attacks where I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. Actually, it's pretty much every day that it happens. Or. It used to be.

But today, it hit me.

I don't think that I want to be a psychology major. 

I thought that was what I wanted to do--work in a treatment center for women with eating disorders. I had it all planned out. But now, I'm not so sure. Because yes, I love helping people. I love working with people who have eating disorders. I like talking to them, relating, encouraging, sharing my story.

But if I go into psychology, I can't do that. I can't share my story like I would want to. And honestly, I don't think that it would be good for me to face potentially triggering situations all day. At least not right now.

I know I want to write.

I want to write about things that are important to me. About Jesus. About eating disorders and mental illness. About families, women's rights, children. About recovery. About hope. About politics, about America, about important people, about history.

I want to use my voice.

Last year, I remember writing a poem about how I felt like no one listened to me. That no one heard my voice. And there I was, using my voice.
Writing.
Not talking. 
Writing.

I want to write. 

I want to be that person who changes the world, who inspires the hopeless, who makes a difference in her words. I want to tell my story. I want to tell the story of others. I want to make a difference. I want to use my voice. 

If I was a psychologist, I would still write. It's not something that I ever wanted to give up. In fact, it's something that I was always planning on continuing all throughout my life. I wanted to write a book once my career got started. Or before. I didn't really care-- I just wanted to write. 

But here's the thing, if I keep writing as my focus, that doesn't mean that I can't work as an activist. In fact, it gives me even more of an opportunity to raise awareness about things that are important to me like eating disorders, sexual assault, rape, and women's rights. It gives me more time to write about things that inspire me-- President Obama, my kids, camp, Jesus. It gives me more time to use my words to tell my story, and more importantly, to tell the stories of others. 

It gives me time to work in activism. To speak out. To travel. To make a difference. To volunteer. To work with others. 

But, I don't know what I'll do for sure. 
So right now, I'm going to keep my psychology major. But I'm going to add an English with a writing concentration major. And I'm going to minor in women's studies. 

And after that, who knows? 
I'm only in my second semester of college. I don't have to have this all figured out right now. 
I have time. 





Monday, January 21, 2013

Inauguration Day.

Things I have done today: watch the Presidential Inauguration on CNN. Things I did not do today: pretty much anything else. 


And I am not ashamed of this. Because, gosh darn it, I love America. To see our first African American president to be inaugurated for the SECOND time on MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR Day... Wow. I am so proud of how far we have come. 

Personally, I am quite fond of President Obama. Of his policies. Of how he loves his wife. Of how he raises his daughters. Of how he's led our country. And of his speech today. 


"...what binds this nation together is not the colors of our skin or the tenets of our faith or the origins of our names.  What makes us exceptional -- what makes us American -- is our allegiance to an idea articulated in a declaration made more than two centuries ago:



'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' 

Today we continue a never-ending journey to bridge the meaning of those words with the realities of our time.  For history tells us that while these truths may be self-evident, they've never been self-executing; that while freedom is a gift from God, it must be secured by His people here on Earth. The patriots of 1776 did not fight to replace the tyranny of a king with the privileges of a few or the rule of a mob.  They gave to us a republic, a government of, and by, and for the people, entrusting each generation to keep safe our founding creed."

YES. This is what we must fight for. This is what we must achieve. Freedom. Equality. Regardless of race or gender or sexuality or religion or anything. The American Dream is not one of wealth and that house in the suburban community with the white picket fence. The American Dream is equal opportunity. 

"But we have always understood that when times change, so must we; that fidelity to our founding principles requires new responses to new challenges; that preserving our individual freedoms ultimately requires collective action.  For the American people can no more meet the demands of today’s world by acting alone than American soldiers could have met the forces of fascism or communism with muskets and militias.  No single person can train all the math and science teachers we’ll need to equip our children for the future, or build the roads and networks and research labs that will bring new jobs and businesses to our shores.  Now, more than ever, we must do these things together, as one nation and one people."

We are ONE NATION. 

How often do we forget that? 

How often do we forget that we are not Republican and Democrat, that we are not Christian and Muslim, White or African, male or female? How often do we forget that? I remember in 2001, on September 11, our country came together as one nation. Because ultimately, we are one free nation. One nation that values our liberties with the same spirit that our forefathers did. A nation that, although not always united, but together as one. 

"America’s possibilities are limitless, for we possess all the qualities that this world without boundaries demands:  youth and drive; diversity and openness; an endless capacity for risk and a gift for reinvention.  My fellow Americans, we are made for this moment, and we will seize it -- so long as we seize it together.

For we, the people, understand that our country cannot succeed when a shrinking few do very well and a growing many barely make it. We believe that America’s prosperity must rest upon the broad shoulders of a rising middle class.  We know that America thrives when every person can find independence and pride in their work; when the wages of honest labor liberate families from the brink of hardship.  We are true to our creed when a little girl born into the bleakest poverty knows that she has the same chance to succeed as anybody else, because she is an American; she is free, and she is equal, not just in the eyes of God but also in our own.

We understand that outworn programs are inadequate to the needs of our time.  So we must harness new ideas and technology to remake our government, revamp our tax code, reform our schools, and empower our citizens with the skills they need to work harder, learn more, reach higher.  But while the means will change, our purpose endures:  a nation that rewards the effort and determination of every single American.  That is what this moment requires.  That is what will give real meaning to our creed.  

We, the people, still believe that every citizen deserves a basic measure of security and dignity.  We must make the hard choices to reduce the cost of health care and the size of our deficit.  But we reject the belief that America must choose between caring for the generation that built this country and investing in the generation that will build its future. For we remember the lessons of our past, when twilight years were spent in poverty and parents of a child with a disability had nowhere to turn.

We do not believe that in this country freedom is reserved for the lucky, or happiness for the few.  We recognize that no matter how responsibly we live our lives, any one of us at any time may face a job loss, or a sudden illness, or a home swept away in a terrible storm.  The commitments we make to each other through Medicare and Medicaid and Social Security, these things do not sap our initiative, they strengthen us. They do not make us a nation of takers; they free us to take the risks that make this country great.

We, the people, still believe that our obligations as Americans are not just to ourselves, but to all posterity.  We will respond to the threat of climate change, knowing that the failure to do so would betray our children and future generations. Some may still deny the overwhelming judgment of science, but none can avoid the devastating impact of raging fires and crippling drought and more powerful storms. 

The path towards sustainable energy sources will be long and sometimes difficult.  But America cannot resist this transition, we must lead it.  We cannot cede to other nations the technology that will power new jobs and new industries, we must claim its promise.  That’s how we will maintain our economic vitality and our national treasure -- our forests and waterways, our crop lands and snow-capped peaks.  That is how we will preserve our planet, commanded to our care by God.  That’s what will lend meaning to the creed our fathers once declared.

We, the people, still believe that enduring security and lasting peace do not require perpetual war.  Our brave men and women in uniform, tempered by the flames of battle, are unmatched in skill and courage.  Our citizens, seared by the memory of those we have lost, know too well the price that is paid for liberty.  The knowledge of their sacrifice will keep us forever vigilant against those who would do us harm. But we are also heirs to those who won the peace and not just the war; who turned sworn enemies into the surest of friends -- and we must carry those lessons into this time as well.

We will defend our people and uphold our values through strength of arms and rule of law.  


We will show the courage to try and resolve our differences with other nations peacefully –- not because we are naïve about the dangers we face, but because engagement can more durably lift suspicion and fear.  

America will remain the anchor of strong alliances in every corner of the globe.  And we will renew those institutions that extend our capacity to manage crisis abroad, for no one has a greater stake in a peaceful world than its most powerful nation.  We will support democracy from Asia to Africa, from the Americas to the Middle East, because our interests and our conscience compel us to act on behalf of those who long for freedom.  And we must be a source of hope to the poor, the sick, the marginalized, the victims of prejudice –- not out of mere charity, but because peace in our time requires the constant advance of those principles that our common creed describes:  tolerance and opportunity, human dignity and justice. 

We, the people, declare today that the most evident of truths –- that all of us are created equal –- is the star that guides us still; just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall; just as it guided all those men and women, sung and unsung, who left footprints along this great Mall, to hear a preacher say that we cannot walk alone; to hear a King proclaim that our individual freedom is inextricably bound to the freedom of every soul on Earth.

It is now our generation’s task to carry on what those pioneers began.  For our journey is not complete until our wives, our mothers and daughters can earn a living equal to their efforts. Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law--for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well. Our journey is not complete until no citizen is forced to wait for hours to exercise the right to vote. Our journey is not complete until we find a better way to welcome the striving, hopeful immigrants who still see America as a land of opportunity--until bright young students and engineers are enlisted in our workforce rather than expelled from our country. Our journey is not complete until all our children, from the streets of Detroit to the hills of Appalachia, to the quiet lanes of Newtown, know that they are cared for and cherished and always safe from harm. 

That is our generation’s task -- to make these words, these rights, these values of life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness real for every American.  Being true to our founding documents does not require us to agree on every contour of life. It does not mean we all define liberty in exactly the same way or follow the same precise path to happiness.  Progress does not compel us to settle centuries-long debates about the role of government for all time, but it does require us to act in our time. 

For now decisions are upon us and we cannot afford delay.  We cannot mistake absolutism for principle, or substitute spectacle for politics, or treat name-calling as reasoned debate. We must act, knowing that our work will be imperfect.  We must act, knowing that today’s victories will be only partial and that it will be up to those who stand here in four years and 40 years and 400 years hence to advance the timeless spirit once conferred to us in a spare Philadelphia hall.

My fellow Americans, the oath I have sworn before you today, like the one recited by others who serve in this Capitol, was an oath to God and country, not party or faction.  And we must faithfully execute that pledge during the duration of our service.  But the words I spoke today are not so different from the oath that is taken each time a soldier signs up for duty or an immigrant realizes her dream.  My oath is not so different from the pledge we all make to the flag that waves above and that fills our hearts with pride. 

They are the words of citizens and they represent our greatest hope.  You and I, as citizens, have the power to set this country’s course.  You and I, as citizens, have the obligation to shape the debates of our time -- not only with the votes we cast, but with the voices we lift in defense of our most ancient values and enduring ideals.

Let us, each of us, now embrace with solemn duty and awesome joy what is our lasting birthright.  With common effort and common purpose, with passion and dedication, let us answer the call of history and carry into an uncertain future that precious light of freedom. 

Thank you.  God bless you, and may He forever bless these United States of America."

Friends, I don't care what political party you support. I don't care what you personally believe. This speech was inspiring. It was challenging us to live in a way that will secure freedom for our posterity. That will give all the same opportunities that we have been given. 
I believe we are in good hands.

Mr. President, 

You are my hero. You are my inspiration. Thank you for your service to our country. 

May God bless you and these next four years. 


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Resolving to Live a New, God-driven Life.

It's the New Year. The time when everyone is making New Year's Resolutions... vowing to lose weight, save money, be a better person. Well. I hate giving into peer pressure, but I have some resolutions to make. Although, I think that I will call them guidelines, because ultimately, I do not dictate who I am. God is in control. He might have a better plan for me. 

But here it is in no particular order: 

2013 New Year's Guidelines (Or things that I think I should be doing)
1. Put God first. 
2. Affirm myself. Find things that I like about myself and remind myself where I stand in God's eyes.
3. Surround myself with positive people and supports and get rid of those who aren't.
4. Recognize and respond to my needs. 
5. Nurture myself in ways that do not involve food or other people. 
6. Be more mindful. 
7. Learn yoga. 
8. Seek help when it is needed or before it is needed. 
9. Write more. 
10. Be active. 
11. Eat more veggies. 
12. Make someone else's day. 
13. Get out of bed. 
14. Make time to spend alone with Jesus. 
15. Make and keep a budget.
16. Catch negative self talk. 
17. Procrastinate less. 
18. Keep drama in perspective. 
19. Say no. 
20. Learn how to knit. 
21. Start a tradition. 
22. Take care of myself.
23. Live life in the present. 
24. Spend some time without technology. 
25. Enjoy nature more. 
26. Explore. 
27. Spend time with friends and really get to know them. 
28. Make a bucket list and start to accomplish it. 
29. Keep in touch with old friends. 
30. Be grateful. 





Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year, Same Hope: God Never Changes.

It is now officially 2013. 

What? I thought that 2012 just began! At least, that's what it seemed like to me. But hey, time is  one thing that consistently changes. That's one thing that I have definitely learned--life ALWAYS goes on. It doesn't matter what the issue is...death, depression, loss of friendship, whatever. It goes on. 


And it's not just the bad that time overcomes. It's the good, too. Good times will not last. The first blissful days of orientation and freedom only last until classes and real work begins. The feeling of acing an exam only lasts until you realize you have another in a few weeks. Reunion with old friends only lasts until they have to go back to school and you are left at home, alone. 


Time changes. Constantly. Every second, every minute... It counts. 


But here's the thing: GOD IS CONSTANT.


My God never changes. Ever. His LOVE is constant. His HOPE remains. He REIGNS forever. 


God does not care about time. He doesn't even measure it the same way that we do. 1000 years are like one day to God. So why do we make such a big fuss over the coming of the next year? 


It really does not matter. At all. 


Why do we wait until January 1 to make resolutions? 


The thing is: we have a new day every day of the year. We have a new beginning every day. A fresh start. 


So why wait


We can choose to change at any time during the year. We can vow to love more, to worship more, to seek the Lord more at any time. We can resolve to change every day, every hour, every minute. 


Resolutions bother me. I was watching New Year's Rocking Eve with my family tonight, and according to Facebook polls, the top five resolutions are: 



1. Lose weight. 
2. Get organized.
3. Spend less, save more.
4. Enjoy life to the fullest.
5. Stay fit and healthy.

Seriously, people? There is so much messed up in our world and we are focused on ourselves?! 

Personally, my resolution for 2013 is simply this: I resolve to let God change me and use me however that He wants. Because ultimately, He is in control of my life. He changes us. We do not change ourselves. 

God never changes. He is always in control. Of time. And of change. So 2013... Bring it on. My God NEVER changes. 

Happy New Year, everyone!